Matt, then and now. 2010 to 2014
Today was a very emotional day. I had my last session with my amazing therapist, Jonathan.
When I was a junior in college, one of my roommates pestered me into coming to a campus gay group. I was out as gay, but not really out in the world, and I immediately loved that space where I could be myself and talk openly without having to filter myself. Jonathan was the staff facilitator of that group, and I loved his hands off way of talking to us, and openness to whatever crazy shit we said.
That was the year that I ran off the rails, and bouts of melancholy turned into deep clinical depression for the first time. I knew that I needed help, and tried the college’s mental health services, but I got a very green therapist that was right off the school, and after a couple of visits I knew that I would not get to a point of trust with that person. A couple of months later, it was clear that I wasn’t going to be able to return to school the next year, and I was very depressed and very scared about the next year. That fall, I reached out to Jonathan because I knew he also had a private practice.
I was glad that he was able to see me, because he certainly had his work cut out for him. I had dead eyes. The first four or five sessions I spent crying nearly the whole hour. Over the next few months, we started building nearly all of the tools that I use to function as an adult. I have no way of knowing for sure, but I suspect that I owe him my life.
Over the next year, he was with me through part of the school year, and over time I became more confident in my ability to keep myself on an even keel. I was happy to decide that it was time to take a break from therapy.
I came back to him a few months ago as I was experiencing a lot of changes. I finally felt like it was time to work on some subtler and deeper demons, and work towards building myself a more meaningful and fulfilling life. I’ve been so grateful to have his help, and that he has been by my side as I’ve done things I thought I couldn’t do and become someone that is unrecognizable to the person I was.