It turns out that there was a coda to last night that I couldn’t have known about before I posted. My brother called me out of the blue. This has only happened once or twice before ever. One of my big goals for the new year was to work on my relationship with my siblings, and so his decision to initiate really made me feel good.
What did not feel good this morning were the many beers I had last night. I don’t know what the connection between the pneumonia and general bad health is, but I’ve been dealing with unpredictable and gnarly acid reflux, which was super unwelcome this morning because I had made plans to meet A for coffee and breakfast.
I met A as she was starting to date one of my friends from college. Sometimes I get a really strong sense of a person, a feeling that I will click with someone. about a month and a half ago, she messaged me out of the blue to tell me about some things she had tried after a conversation we had, which made me feel very happy—that kind of happy you feel for being yourself and for making something good happen in the world and for being the right energy that somebody needed at one time.
I had a great time talking to her. I’m a sucker for good conversation, and I love when it flows easily and everyone in it is both eager to share and delighted to listen.
One thing that’s been sticking with me all day is something she said about the way that she lived in college. She said that some of her friends thought it was weird that she seemed to be putting down roots in the town she went to school in. She explained to me that she never wanted to live like she was holding something back, even if that meant that leaving was more painful. It’s not the way that is first nature for me to live—one of the great freedoms of my life right now is my anonymity, as well as one of my great lonelinesses. But in the moment of that conversation, I felt like it was closer to the way that I want to live now.
After finishing up, I came home to nap for a couple of hours and try and catch up a little bit on sleep debt. When I woke up, I freshened up the house and got ready for having S over with a friend of hers from high school over. After I finished with the Charliework, I started to make some more progress through Mrs. Dalloway.
S and her friend came over. I had never met her friend before, so it was nice to practice breaking in with another person before, and I felt like I was myself. I wish I could cut my glibness and cheapness like 18%, but they are my armor against awkward silences, which I hate even more. We made a trip out to Fred Meyer to get ingredients for dinner and something to drink, and made a more than edible dinner of pork chops, green beans, chard, and salad. It was nice to be social all day but with energy level at a simmer. I’m trying to just roll with how indoor cat I’ve been for this month, but I guess the winter weather had to affect behavior at some point.
We continued the evening with Sense and Sensibility, which I had never seen and have never read. I enjoyed it, and had no desire to pick it apart any more than that.
Made my way through the first two sections of Mrs. Dalloway, then called it a night. I think I may play Pokemon; FireRed until I fall asleep, but I have terrible luck with the game. Twice now I’ve fucked up saving on the emulator and lost like 3 total hours of game play.